Brave writer slingsot2/16/2023 ![]() ![]() We are more likely to keep trying to, or hoping we can, ‘fix’ a toxic relationship if we have low self-esteem and think that the relationship is the best we could ask for, Sarah says.įurther, we might find it harder to let someone go if we think it’s our fault they aren’t around anymore. If you don’t think you deserve healthy love, why wouldn’t you cling to what you did get, even if it didn’t fulfil you? Memories of the ‘good’ times keep us hooked (Picture: Getty Images) We don’t think we deserve better If you have a partner who started off showering you with love, care and affection (which could well be love-bombing, but that is hard to spot at the time), and this changed at one point, this can be really upsetting. Not all toxic relationships start out that bad – and that can make it harder to let go. So why are these terrible relationships so tricky to get over? We want it to go back to when it was a ‘good’ relationship ‘This leads to unhealthy behavioural patterns including codependency, a dynamic in which one person dominates and the other feels submissive, and/or a cycle of anger and fear which is “fixed” temporarily by love bombing.’ They add: ‘This distress may be caused by physical, emotional or mental abuse, manipulation, lying, cheating, demeaning, attacking, humiliation, or coercion. Quinn Clark, a writer and researcher who specialises in complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD), says a toxic relationship is one which causes a significant amount of distress, due to the behaviour of a person(s) in the relationship. A relationship is meant to add to your life, so if one is leaving you feeling empty, misunderstood, unsupported, attacked or small then it may be a toxic one. The specifics of toxic relationships are going to look different for everyone, but all of them, are going to make you feel bad. ![]() ![]() People who haven’t been through it (lucky you) might not understand why anyone would pine after a toxic lover, yet there are a lot of psychological reasons we can struggle to detach.
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